Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need to calm my uterus...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
