Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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