Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
