I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The best revenge is premature balding
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
