i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
