Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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