Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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