he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.