They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.