Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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