cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
