I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
