So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
