you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
