PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
