chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
