So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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