Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
