VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
