I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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