with your own penis?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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