i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
