butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
