I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Help. Why am I so naked?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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