He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
