First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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