i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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