I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
