she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
