I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
