Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize