so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Girls should come with a carfax report
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
