I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
