Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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