I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
