Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
