do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
