cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
