I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
