As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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