you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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