You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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