after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
