Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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