Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
