the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
