What did we do last night that was yellow?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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