4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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