I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
