He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
