Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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