Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
this hospital has no fireball
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize