two words: eviction party
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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