mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
