Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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