Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
