I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
