i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
