yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
