A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
