it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
