I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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