i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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