if you like me you must not know who I am
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
