Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
where are my eyebrows?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
