I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize