Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
